


There Was Only Him

by Heyimsilverrr



Series: The Was Only [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Canon Compliant, Castiel in a Female Vessel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Gen, Human Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyimsilverrr/pseuds/Heyimsilverrr
Summary: “If you are right, and that is a big if, then why is this world so shity?” He then yells at me, passion and anger rippling off of him making me almost lose my breath.“We can’t intervene, Angels aren't even allowed onto earth unless given orders.” I try to reason with him as I go to stand up wiping the dirt off of my person.“Just an excuse to not fix anything when it breaks.” He mutters looking around us again. “Anyway what is your name?” His eyes met mine the second time and I could have sworn that time had stopped.“Cassiel.” That will be the first time he smiled at me.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Male Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: The Was Only [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184615
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Heaven, Hell and Earth

Chapter One: Heaven, Hell and Earth

In the beginning, before there were the angels and all the light we know it to be, there was God and Amara. They were the perfect combination of light and darkness, good and bad or however you may see it. But one day God wanted to create, he wanted to begin the universe in his image, so thus he created the archangels Lucifer, Michael, Raphael and Gabriel. Then there was a war against Amara, narrowly winning God caged his sister and had his most trusted son to protect it with his life. He then went into the still empty universe to create something that was so heavenly, yet so ordinary.

Though I will admit my story began long after the initial beginning, it started between God's most beloved son and a small blue star. From the sweetest earth, the brightest light and the most heavenly grace, I was created to be a watcher of humanity. With every part of my being, I accepted my job, to be the shepherd to the small humans who barely came out of the ocean. If I am to be honest that is how it was for a long time, that is until Adam and Eve with a serpent between them.

When my brother, the brightest of all the Angels, the one responsible for my creation fell from heaven to the deepest pits of hell is when I had my first act of rebellion. I fought so hard to stay with him, to beg them to see from his point of view, that he isn't evil, that the mark corrupted him and in turn corrupted the first son. Also in my mind I couldn’t understand why someone would risk everything just to damn the beings we were to protect. I remember being so torn between Heaven and Hell, wanting to do right by the brother who raised me and the family who called me brother. So that will be the first time I went to Hell and the last for eons to come, that is until I was given the order to save the righteous man.

Humans will forever amaze me, for they are so loving and resilient. They all have experienced pain and loss, anger and sadness, yet they keep moving trying to make their small world a bit better. I personally never understood this until I had met the most important human to have entered my billion years of life. That human was the perfect combination of anger, confusion and sadness. But that never stopped him from saving and continuing to save those he cares about along with the entire world, forcing me to open my eyes.

The day when I was given the order, I was also offered the chance to back down and send my battalion instead. But me being filled with honor and praise I opted to do it myself, which was their first mistake and mine if I am being honest. As I painted myself with runes and sigils to conceal myself from the demons all I could think of was ‘What if I am too late?’ and ‘What if he refuses to be saved?’. I had already known him to be something that of a stubborn human from my many watches of Earth. I tended to gravitate towards the chosen humans that are to bring change to the world, that God made specifically to help humanity. I also liked watching them because they always seemed to live the more interesting lives than the normal ones.

But putting all that in the back of my mind I jumped down into the darkness without a thought besides saving Dean Winchester. I will never forget the moment when I first landed, the smell of rotting flesh and the screams of the tortured. Walking along a narrow path I can still feel the human souls grabbing with hungry hands, begging to be saved. The part of me that wanted to continue my work as the watcher, the savior wanted to help those dimmed souls to heaven. But the angel I was back then ignored each and everyone of them for the sole purpose of saving the one Dean Winchester.

I will admit it was no simple and easy feat, for the demons knew we would be coming to save him from their clutches. So the few smart ones hide him away in the deepest and darkest points making it almost suffocating to get to. But when I did find him, I almost forgot why I was in Hell to begin with. His soul on Earth was among the brightest that I have ever seen, and the purest almost warms you to your core by just looking at it. But seeing him broken, torturing that poor soul I wanted to cry with the pain he must be feeling. 

I waited in the shadows until he was left alone, just before the next victim on his list and appeared to him. That was the first time Dean Winchester looked me in the eye and locked me in place, not being able to form a word. When I finally spoke to tell him who I was and why I was there he just purely laughed at me, a sickening hopeless laugh that pulled at my gut.

“I don’t believe I am the one to be saved.” Then with a wink he turns around. “But thanks good lookin, maybe when I finally topside I can take you for a drink.”

“Dean.” I say, flashing my grace in my eyes, filling myself with all of Heaven's power I tell him what I was told. “You will come with me and you will be of assistance to Heaven.”

“Okay, I will keep that in mind.” He laughs as I grab him, pulling him to my chest I fly off towards Heaven.

I will admit it was not easy, my left wing was damaged by a demon who was able to get their hands around a feather. To add he tried fighting me, the stubborn man he is truly believing that he isn't deserving to be saved. In the end he gave up as we finally made it past the upper circle of hell when I finally screamed in joy ‘Dean Winchester is saved!’

As soon as we broke into heaven I collapsed on the ground heaving as he narrows his eyes at me, still questioning what this all is. Part of me wished I could hear his thoughts and not just feel his emotions as his eyes began to wander the open green meadow from his memories.

“So now you guys are taking my memories.” He laughs moving away from me. “Real funny.”

“Dean, how many times do I have to tell you that I am an Angel of the Lord.” I sigh, finally sitting up to look at him.

“If you are right, and that is a big if, then why is this world so shity?” He then yells at me, passion and anger rippling off of him making me almost lose my breath.

“We can’t intervene, Angels aren't even allowed onto earth unless given orders.” I try to reason with him as I go to stand up wiping the dirt off of my person.

“Just an excuse to not fix anything when it breaks.” He mutters looking around us again. “Anyway what is your name?” His eyes met mine the second time and I could have sworn that time had stopped.

“Cassiel.” That will be the first time he smiled at me.

When I finally gained my strength back I started my work on rebuilding him from the ground up. I remember his wide eyes as he watched my hands work over his torn body, healing the fatal wounds he acquired from the hellhounds. The way his eyes found mine was almost intoxicating when he would ask questions about what I may do next. Part of me still yearns for that Dean who would look at me as if I was the only thing in the Universe. That very Dean changed me, my insight even before I stepped away from Heaven for good, before we even have met on Earth.

Part of me was reluctant to send him back down to Earth, mainly because of my own selfish reasons. I was given the order for him not to remember me, only so that I can show how powerful Heaven truly is on Earth. But the time that I had him with me in Heaven as I put together his body, we both had become very close in both Heaven and Earth terms. But I put all that to the side and sent him down into that coffin in the middle of nowhere.

That was around the same time I started looking for a vessel so that I can find him and guide him on his journey. It took me about a day to find a human that was strong enough to contain me without any fail. The human I evidently chose was the one Jean Smith, a college graduate who was on her way to an interview at a law firm. I never truly wanted to possess her or anyone for that matter, but it needed to be done for the greater good.

When I first found Dean Winchester in the flesh, he was in a white barn with his father figure Bobby Singer. Walking through those doors seeing their faces for the first time, I finally understood why my higher ups told me to beware of them. They had painted every sigil, rune and trap imaginable to try to trap me in any feeble attempt. But me being a prodigy I was half way impressed with the artwork, if only they would stop shooting salt rounds at me. Without so much as a falter I came up to Dean with a small smile as his eyes narrowed at me, no trust in his eyes.

“Who are you?” His voice comes out gruff as I stopped in front of him as smoothly and subtle as I can.

Rolling my shoulders back to make my short vessel look at least somewhat taller I tell him the truth with a small smile. “I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

Turning slightly away from me to look at Bobby, his green eyes find mine again. “Yeah thanks for that.” He then plunges the Demon blade into my left shoulder as deep as he could get it. But even then I stared at him in admiration, even when he just stabbed me in a half attempt at me life.

Looking down at the blade with a mutable expression, almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this whole situation I had gotten myself into. I remember thinking if only I broke the rules and allowed him to remember me this situation would have been so much easier. But instead of laughing like I wanted to at that moment I pulled the knife out slowly and dropped it to the floor. I would be lying if I didn't say it hurt because only the Lord knows it had hurt, but at that time I was still young in relative years and I truly didn't understand pain. Before I could get a word in I felt Bobby going to make a move and hit me with an unknown weapon. Moving around I grab the weapon and at the same time I quietly put him to sleep.

I will admit I was a tad dramatic when I had first met Dean in the flesh, partly because he told me to be in Heaven laughing at himself and partly because I wanted to make a memorable ‘first impression’. What I didn't realize at the point I had already started to fall from grace, but part of me and like so many others, believe I started to fall as soon as my hand touched him Hell.

  
  



	2. Running and Being Found

Chapter Two: Running and Being Found

Running. I was alway good at running. I remember in my youth racing with my older brothers through the grasslands before humanity took over. I remember the feeling of the ozone on my skin as my wings carried me as if I were swimming in the ocean. I also remember running when I found out my brother fell, I now remember the heat as I tried to run to him and save him. But now I am running in hope to protect the one Dean Winchester, in hope that they won't find and force that simple word from his lips.

Looking over my shoulder I study my surroundings, making sure there is not a living being around me. Satisfied I lean against the old brick wall trying to steady my heart as Jean tries to make her thoughts known to me. 

_I understand your feelings for that rugged man Cassiel, but is he really worth leaving Heaven for?_

_Jean._ I warn her as she retreats back into our shared mind with a small huff.

Of course Jean is right, she is always the most sane when it comes to the stuff that matters, bigger picture. Nevertheless I still can’t escape that plan that Michael has thought up that would evidently destroy the planet. At least Lucifer loved the small insignificant planet, he just didn't like the ape like creatures that occupy it. As for me, I find that I care way too much for one human and I can't quite place that emotion, something I have never felt before. 

Shifting through the old factory that has long been abandoned I find a nice hiding spot so that maybe I can connect with him and warn him. I know that I will not be able to escape them forever and I know that I will need him and his brother to protect Jean when that happens. So sitting down on a steel beam I close my eyes and concentrate on his soul as Jean begins to laugh in the back of my head, making me more pissed than anything.

_Never knew that an Angel could love a human, is that a law or something?_

_No Jeanny, Angels and Humans are allowed to mingle as you would put it. Just as long as a nephilim isn't a result._

_Yeah well if I were the one callin the shots I would have done that green eyed hunk a long time ago._

Pushing her away I concentrated again on Dean’s soul, to feel the warmth of it like the sun on one shoulder. I look through the many dull souls in search of his, that oddly reminds me of the northern lights or the forest during late spring. I then find him, sleeping in some old motel bed that most likely have known many lovers from the past and Samuel laying in the bed next to him. Sitting back I watch his body take a deep breath as he rolls over onto his other side making the bed squeak under his weight.

Shifting into his mind I find myself in a place of peace. Breathing in the light fog around me I toe down the long forest path to find a lake and a dock with him sitting at the end. Standing there I watch him for a moment, giving him this small sense of peace and tranquility before I am to disturb him. Part of me wants to run, to not bring him down this path that we all are barreling down with no end in sight. But I step towards him as a small smile appears making me feel something I have never felt before.

“We need to talk.” I murmur to him afraid that something may disturb us.

“I'm dreaming, aren't I?” He asks me with a sigh as he rolls his eyes making me shift uneasily.

“Somewhere more private.” I whisper as his eyes finally find mine.

It's a peculiar feeling that I feel whenever his eyes find mine, almost as if he has me under a spell. He even had this effect on when I first met him in hell, but now it seems almost amplified the longer I am near him, the longer I allow my mind to wander to him.

“More private? We're inside my head.” He scoffs breaking the spell as he turns his attention to the fishing rod in his hands.

“Exactly. Someone could be listening.” I counter, stepping closer to him trying to hide my panic as the other angels voices echo in my mind.

“Cas, what's wrong?”

Without answering his question I handed him a small piece of paper with the address of my location. “Meet me here.” Then with as much urgency as something begins to pull at me. “Go now.”

Opening my eyes I take a deep breath as I sneak out of my hiding place as I hear flapping of wings from my right side. Without looking at my brothers I drop my sword, bringing my grace to the forefront of my mind as I feel them circling me. It's an odd sensation being hunted by Heaven, especially when I used to be the one to do the hunting and killing. All these Angels, my brothers, the ones I fought wars with are now tasked to either bring me back to Heaven or kill me. Then my closest friend, Benjamin comes forth as the other six stand back, almost like they are afraid of me.

“Cassiel there is no need for a fight.” Benjamin says holding his hands up in a familiar way, trying to calm me.

“Yet you brought our garrison to capture me.” I whisper narrowing my eyes at him as he sighs in aggravation.

“Only for good measure Cassiel.” He says taking a step towards me. “You need to come back to Heaven.”

“You will have to rip me from this body.” I spit as they all charge after me.

Shoving one of the younger angels in our garrison to the ground with a sickening crunch of metal, I hug the one to come from the front of me as he tackles me down to the ground. The Angel that tackled me punches me in the face making me see stars as two others hold me down by my arms.

“ _Omnipotentis Dei potestatem invoco, Omnipotentis Dei potestatem invoco_ ” Benjamin begins to chant making me breathe heavy as the room begins to glow with my grace.

“You don’t need to do this Benjamin.” I scream trying to get out of the Angels grasps, trying with all of my might to stay in Jean so that maybe I can escape to the Winchesters.

“ _Ab orbe terra, Hunc angelum omne obsequendum_ ” He continues making me cry out in pain, as if my entire body is being burned alive. “ _Domine expuet, Domine expuet, Ut deum ad empyreum remittat_ ” and with one finally scream I am ejected from my body and being hurtled into heaven.

I don’t dare open my eyes as they begin to strap me down to a metal table in hushed tones and cold hands. When I finally do open them I am met with Michael and Naomi standing over me with blank expressions. Not paying them much mind I look down to my bound hands and legs, hoping that there is a way to escape. But like my luck this year, there is nothing but the metal of the Angels and two very angry superiors, one of which is an Arch-Angel.

“Cassiel.” Michael finally says in a dismissive tone making me shrink into the table.

“Brother.” My voice echoes back.

There was a long pause as we both stared at each other, never daring to look away as we both stood our ground. There was a time when I looked up to him and even cherished him, but now I can only look at him with disgust. Then Naomi moved to a table next to me, picking up a small drill as if to inspect it.

“You need to be fixed Cassiel.” Her voice comes out clean and crisp. “It's pathetic for you to even think the humans are to be trusted.” She then turns on the drill looking at me with a sadistic smile. “Now don’t move, this is going to hurt.”

“No.” I scream as she presses the drill into my eye.

The pain is something one can tolerate after a while, but what she was after is my memory. That kind of pain is something that can only be imagined, especially when she goes in to block and reset me for their own purposes. But just before she can get the memories of Dean Winchester, the ones that at that point I held closest to my heart, a prayer came through making her and Michael stop.

“ _Cassiel, you son of a bitch! You promised me my sister would be okay. You promised you were gonna take care of her. I gave you everything you asked me to give. I gave you more. This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your heaven? Help me, please. You promised, Cas. Just help me._ ”

“Send me down, my vessel is in trouble.” I beg as Naomi pulls back to look at Michael who is leaning against the wall inspecting his sword. “Think will you!” I yell at them making two sets of eyes look down at me. “We were connected for almost a whole year, if the demons get ahold of her they can and will get Heaven’s secrets that are buried in her memory.”

“And what makes you think we can trust you.” Michael says tilting his head.

“You will never trust me.” I point out trying not to show my panic. “You can have Zachariah watch over me to make sure I don’t fall out of line.” I plead as Michael sighs nodding towards my bounded limbs as the latches fall away.

“Don’t make me regret this.” He only says before I fly out of the room in search of the Winchesters.

I finally found all of them surrounded by a horde of demons as one continues to torture my vessel Jean. I need to get down there as soon as possible, so I can clean up this area. For a split second I contemplate asking Dean if I can possess him just until everything is all finished here. But then I see Jean's little sister, Kaitlin unconscious tied up to a rusted pipe breathing shallow.

When everyone is distracted I make my move on Kaitlin, nudging her mind kindly, trying to wake her up. Her mind is awake, which is good enough as I move into her dream.

“Kaitlin.” I whisper as she plays with her dolls.

“And who are you?” She asks standing up, dropping the one doll.

“Can I come in and save your sister?” I ask her as she blinks in a sudden understanding.

“What will happen to me?”

“You will help me save the world.”

“What will happen to her?”

“She will have the highest seat in heaven for her sacrifices for humanity.”

“Then yes.”

Then just like that we are fuzed together, my grace and her soul power us in a way that could never be replicated. Opening my eyes I look around trying to gather my surroundings to see the Demons attack the Winchesters. Closing my eyes again I concentrate on all of my energy to my bound wrists, to burn off the rope. Once free I move at lighting speed and kill the two Demons that were after the boys.

“Cassiel.” Jean's voice comes out broken as she bleeds out of her stomach from a stab wound. 

Ignoring her weak voice I move so that I am back to back with Dean as more demons come out of the seams. Moving with unparalleled precision I exorcise the demons as Dean works with the demon blade and holy water that he had in his pocket. When they are all dead we turn to Sam, only to see him leaning over a demon's body drinking her blood as if he were a thirsty man in a desert. Watching Dean run over to Sam I finally look at Jean, as broken as she is but still strong and holding on with all of her stubborn might.

“Of course we keep our promises.” I whisper walking closer to her as tears fall down her cheeks. “Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well. Your work is done. It's time to go home now. Your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now, Jean.” 

“No.” She gasps out broken as I kneel down to her, to find the stab wound is worse than I thought it to be. “Katlin?” She asks, trying to move her hand to press against my cheek.

“She's with me now. She's chosen. It's in her blood, as it was in yours.” I try to reason with her as she shakes her head as more tears fall down her cheeks. 

“Please, Cassiel. Me, just take me. Take me, please.” She begs me as more blood seeps from her wound.

I move closer to her, searching her soul for the answers she will never say aloud. I look through her fears, the things she has dreamed of since she was a child. So I take her face in both of my small hands to make her blue eyes look right into my soul, if you can call it that, to make her understand what she is giving up.

“I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it.” I insist as she shifts in pain begging me.

“It doesn't matter.” She cries searching my face. “You take me. Just take me.” She whispers without breaking eye contact.

“As you wish.” I whisper. 

In that I feel every part of me unravel from the young soul of Kaitlin as I make my way from her to Jean. Moving back to her almost feels like coming home, the warmth and sorrow tingled as my grace and her soul bonded once more in harmony. I can feel every never ending as my grace goes to heal all of the wounds she had acquired since my sudden departure. Opening my eyes I look down to an unconscious Kaitlin and a very concerned Dean Winchester. Standing up I start walking past him, as I try to get used to being on earth once more, but like always he has other plans.

“Cas, hold up.” He touches my arm, making me shiver involuntarily as his green eyes bore into my blue. “What were you gonna tell me?”

“I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean.” I say ripping my arm out of his hand as I feel something at the pit of my stomach, something dark and sickening. “I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you.” and with that I force myself to walk away from him.

I will admit that wasn't my greatest memory but it at the same time gave me insight on how loyal Dean Winchester is. This man that I have barely known, and he of me, trusts me enough to go and protect my vessel without so much as a simple please. But that day I had to break him down as I tried to search for another way out of the apocalypse without getting caught by Zachariah or worse Michael.

  
  



	3. The Mighty Fall

Chapter Three: The Mighty Fall

I have always enjoyed watching humanity and what they can offer, but most importantly I loved watching Dean Winchester and to be more specific I liked watching him when he was alone. I liked doing this because I can see the true him, the one he hides after years of abuse and trauma. Dean Winchester is something I have never encountered in my many years of life and that at the end of the day is what makes him beautiful and unique to all of my fathers creation.

Most of my brethren would have laughed if I had described such things. They would never understand the profound bond that I had created with him over that year. They would never understand what it was like to put him back together at the subatomic level. They would never be able to even comprehend what it is like to feel his soul crying out in agony as I fought our way up from hell, and it just sickens me that I couldn't sooth that pain.

So now before I continue my order I watch him talk with Bobby, with pain written all over his face knowing Sam is gone to Ruby. Anna was right, I should have gone against Heaven and stopped the 66th seal to break but now it is too late. Some part of me mourns her death knowing some of her blood is on my hands but I couldn't allow myself to think of that at that point. I had one mission and that is to deliver Dean to Michael so that he can fight Lucifer.

Moving quietly I touch Dean's shoulder as I fly us to the hide away while he must wait upon Michael. I stay silent as he blinks in shock as his eyes roam over the walls, and then they fall on me and my heart stops.

“Hello, Dean. It's almost time.” I whisper as he takes a step closer to me.

“Where am I?” He asks me in his gruff voice with his eyes looking around the room in amazement and horror.

“Your answers will come to you in due time.” With those simple Heaven thought words I step away from him and fly away in search of Zachariah.

I never liked Zachariah. I always thought of him to be too snarky and uptight even when at one point he was of lower ranking than I was. But then again it does pay to play the “good guy” to the archangels, you get to boss around those who would have been above you. But I take it in stride as he continues to bark off orders, knowing that one day he will die and it will be because of me. Which is sickening to think of, but if it helps move along then so be it. 

But what sickens me more is the way he talks to Dean and I can't do anything about it without getting treatment with Naomi. I watch Dean struggle as his eyes keep flashing towards me in a green haze while Zachariah keeps speaking to him in riddles. I know what Zachariah is doing, he just wants Dean to be confused enough to just say yes to anything, which will be his death. But then Zachariah brings up Lilith which makes me wonder about how much Heaven truly knows and doesn't know.

“Lilith has to break it. She's the only one who can. Tomorrow night, midnight to be precise.” His robotic voice comes out as Dean steps around the ornate table.

“Where?” His voice comes out slightly panicked, but it is very subtle, almost nonexistent.

“We're working on it.” He lies just to stay on Dean’s good side.

“Well, work harder.” Dean yells back, making me look down to my feet to try to hide a smile.

It is so hard for me to imagine life when Dean Winchester wasn't in it and I have personally known him for just a year. Granted I did watch over him sporadically throughout the years with curiosity as to why he is one of the chosen. But standing in this room shows how brave he truly is, even when he is outmatched by two angels, one being born from archangel grace. 

“We'll do our job. You just make sure you do yours.” Zachariah says as if he wanted to cut Dean with his words.

Dean speaks in a sharper tone as they continue to bicker about what Dean’s true job is and how he must wait. I kind of pity Zachariah in this moment, that angel was so out of his depth it was almost kind of laughable. No one told Dean Winchester what to do and I personally had to learn the hard way many times.

“Have faith.” Zachariah’s voice pierces through the air around us.

“What, in you?” He laughs stepping towards said angel. “Give me one good reason why I should.”

“Because you swore your obedience. So obey.” With that he is gone leaving me and Dean to stare at each other.

He looks at me with an expression that could speak more than words. It's one that I have personally seen just a few times over the years I have known this man. At that point I was struggling between staying with my family in Heaven and obeying my orders for the man in front of me and at the end of it Earth. But everyone knew that it was always for him, everyone but him and his idiotic mind.

“Listen, I, uh, I-I need something.” He asks almost shyly, coming closer to me as my body stiffens. Maybe it would be for the best if I left and let another angel take charge.

“Anything you wish.” My voice betrays me as it comes out soft and broken.

“I need you to take me to see Sam.” He looked at me with those green eyes and I almost did. But I can’t, couldn't because they were listening in and watching my every move.

“Why?” My voice comes out robotic as I walk around him to admire the paintings, which of course was a way to distract myself from him.

“There's something I got to talk to him about.” He lies easily making me sigh aloud.

Every part of me wanted to disobey orders and take him to his brother, in hopes of stopping my brother rising out of hell. Another part wanted my brother back because he was the one to create me out of his grace, he is the sole reason for me existing. But then again millennium has past and he will be angry and wanting revenge on Michael and the others who put him in there. So here I am, stuck in the middle between Heaven and Earth. When every part of me wanted to rebel I fought for the sole knowledge of paradise and nothing else. 

When I figured that Dean wouldn't see my point of view, I left him in that small room in the middle of California. I landed back in Heaven, more specific the garden with Joshua humming a small human folk song. Looking around I sigh as memories of the original garden comes to mind, with the bright vibrant colors and bird song everywhere.

“Cassiel, my young friend.” Joshua speaks rounding a rather large tree that I think I helped build with Gabriel.

“Joshua.” I smile stepping closer to him as he frowns at me.

“What is the matter?” He asks as I look away to the small river that gently flows to our right.

“I don’t know what to do.” I whisper walking closer to the water. “I know there is a right and there is a wrong and I have a feeling I am on the wrong side of history.”

Without looking at back I feel him move closer to me in a hush and subtle way that he could only replicate. When Lucifer first fell and Gabriel left with so much as a flutter of wings Joshua was there to pick up the pieces. Part of me feels like he is the only one to truly understand the loneliness and isolation I felt when they left. When he places a hand on my shoulder my entire body relaxes as his gentle voice flows like the river in front of us.

“What I think dear Cassiel is that you already know what to do, but you are too afraid to go through with it.” Then his hand moves away prompting me to look up to him. “You were always meant to be your own individual Cassiel, and that is what makes them afraid of you because of the power you can wield.”

“But Joshua, this is my home.” I whisper looking around at the rainforest around us.

“You will find a new home with him, now go and save the world.” He says with a smile as I go to hug him close.

“Thank you.” I whisper in his ear as I fly down to Dean with a smile on my face knowing that Zachariah isn't far behind.

Landing in the room I see Dean picking up one of the burgers with a frown as he mutters something to himself. Pushing it out of his hand I slam him against the wall with my one hand covering his mouth so he wouldn't say a word. Drawing his demon knife I raise my eyebrow staring him in the eye almost asking him to trust me. With a small nod he steps away as I cut my palm to start to paint the sigil to banish Zachariah when he arrives.

“Cassiel!” He yells full of fury as I continue with my work. “Would you mind explaining just what the hell you're doing?”

Without looking back at him I slap my hand on the sigil watching him be pushed away to one of the four corners of the universe. “He won't be gone long. We have to find Sam now.” I manage to choke as I look down at my bloody hand.

“Where is he?” He asks with his eyes still wide but this time on the banishing sigil on the wall. 

“I don't know.” I whisper looking down to the marble ground. “But I know who does. We have to stop him, Dean, from killing Lilith.”

“But Lilith's gonna break the final seal.” He laughs as if I had jumped ship and in a sense I have.

Placing my hands on his shoulders I looked him in the eye. “Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins.”

Just like that I fly us to the prophet Charles home, which reeks of liquor and depression and maybe cat pee. But at the end of the day nothing will be as bad as Luke and how hard he took being a prophet and how many times that poor man tried to die before his time. When in the kitchen the prophet looks at us with confusion and shock, almost as if he didn't intend for this to happen. 

“Where is Sam?” Dean manages out picking up the scrawny man by his shirt. Without saying anything he just points to the computer screen with words already typed down. “St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?” He asks, dropping him.

“Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story.” He says mainly looking at me with an expression that I truly couldn't place.

“Yeah, well…” I shrug looking at Dean with a small smile and then back to Charles. “We're making it up as we go.”

But just like that the house is surrounded with blinding light as Raphael begins to power up to attack me and Dean. For a split second I look at Dean knowing I will never survive this encounter, knowing that this is going to be my death. But I truly take solace in that thought, knowing that I will have helped in saving the world even if it doesn't work. So here I am memorizing his features one more time, taking in every freckle and wrinkle.

“It's the Archangels!” I yell out looking away from Dean to the prophet who now is cowardly holding his head. “I'll hold him off! I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!” I yell at Dean as I transport him to his brother.

In one swift motion I drop my angel blade waiting for my brother to appear into the home as the place glows brighter with his grace. He then is there standing in front of me as Charles runs to hide behind the sofa in his living room.

“Raphael.” I nod my head in respect as he sighs looking tired. 

But instead of saying a word he swipes his hand making me fly across the room as I spit up blood. Before I could even begin to compose myself he is there holding me up with my neck as I choke for air. 

“I never liked you Cassiel.” He sighs as he slams me against the nearest making me groan out in pain. “You always acted like him.” He then inspects his nails taking a step closer to me. “We should have slammed you in the cage with him all those years ago, but Gabriel fought tooth and nail to make sure we didn't.” Then he smiles a sickening smile that makes me want to vomit. “But he isn't here to protect you anymore.”

He drops me to the floor as I spit up blood that was pooling in my mouth. I then look up at him as he smiles down at me as his fist comes down and connects with my face making me fall completely to the floor. Not being able to open my eyes I know exactly what is coming next, so instead I try to remember a particular shade of green as everything goes black.

  
  



	4. Last Night on Earth

Much has happened between where I left off the story, but I will admit this is one of my most distinct memories I had with him that I think was the tipping point for me. By this time I was on the run from both Heaven and Hell, my grace had already started to fail because of my fall and my brother who is responsible for my creation walked the Earth. Around this time I had also started the insane task of finding my father, or you better know him as God or even Chuck if you prefer. I was wearing thin, running out of options when I had found out that my brother Raphael had touched down to Earth. Prompting me to go get Dean for help, though in retrospect I really didn't need to. I just enjoyed his company.

We tracked down the used vessel of Raphael’s to a poor man who became debilitated from my brother's massive amount of energy. The poor man had no idea what he had gotten himself into and part of me wanted to help him, to save him from this fate of his. But I had more pressing issues than saving one human when I needed to save six billion. Moving quickly I spoke in ancient enochian into the man's ear, forcing Raphael’s hand to come back down to Earth.

As soon as I stopped speaking Dean's eyes came into view. “Now what?” He asked me with the newly acquired angel blade in hand.

“We wait.” I laugh, shrugging my shoulders walking out of the dark room with Dean at my heel.

If you had told me eleven years ago I would be so bold as to prompt an archangel down back to earth with the one Dean Winchester I would have laughed. To add to it, the Dean Winchester who escaped Heaven with my help so that he wouldn't say yes to Micheal. But as the minutes ticked closer to Raphael coming down to earth once more and my possible death something else happened that would change my life forever.

“Do we have any chance of surviving this?” Dean asks me as I go to sit down in an old wooden chair when I had just gotten back from Jerusalem with the oil needed to trap him.

“You do.” I sigh pulling my hair out of my face to tie it up with a hair tie I had found in Dean's car some time back.

“So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow.” He says sitting in the chair opposite of me looking at me worried as I try not to meet his eye.

Looking down at my hands I sigh, wishing for there to be another way. “Yes.”

There was a shift in the atmosphere before Dean spoke, making the room around us seem smaller and the air thicker. I didn’t dare look at him because I was afraid of what I may see if I did, but against my own inner judgement I did look at him. His eyes were already on me when I did finally look up at him, making me squirm in my chair as he leaned forward onto the table.

“Well.” He says tilting his head, boring his eyes into mine. “Last night on earth. What are your plans?” He then smiles finally leaning back allowing me to take a deep breath of air that I didn’t realize I was holding.

“I just thought I'd sit here quietly.” I smile at him as I go back to looking at my hands, trying to make myself busy.

Somehow he had this energy around him that always seemed to pull you in, as if he were a star and you were a planet orbiting him. Maybe that is the reason I could never fully get away from him, no matter how hard I had tried.

Smiling, he wiggles his eyebrows making me laugh. “Come on, anything? Booze, men or women?”

Scratching the back of my neck I avoid his eyes as I try to make myself smaller, out of his sight.

“You have been with someone before, Right?” He asks moving closer to me, prompting me to look away from him awkwardly. “Or an angel, at least?” When I didn’t answer he looked at me surprised. “You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?”

“Look, I've never had occasion, okay?” I grumble finally looking up to him as he goes to stand up from his seat.

“All right.” His voice comes out halfway surprised and curious, as he goes to grab his coat. “Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.” He says walking past me out of the old house we are in.

Every part of me told myself to stay put, to stay in that old house and wait for my inevitable death. But nevertheless I stood up, straightened out my skirt and followed him out to the Impala with curiosity nagging my insides. Part of my wonders what he truly had in mind when he told that he wasn't going to allow me to die a virgin, what exactly did he have up his sleeve?

Before I knew it we had gotten to a run down bar in the middle of the big city, which in all honesty smelled of urine and regret. But he turned off the Impala, smiled at me and got out with a small huff coming from his lips. Following him into the bar I instantly regretted all of my choices and wanted to fly out of there and find some peace before I was to die that morning. But again I followed him like a moth to a flame to sit at the old wooden bar as he ordered himself a glass of beer and a glass of wine for myself.

That's when a man came up next to me, trying to flirt with me with Dean smiling into his glass of beer. I followed the guy into the bathrooms and when he started to kiss me, I started to understand why this man does this. I told him the truth that it is okay that he is mourning his wife, that she is in fact in Heaven. I guess that isn't the right thing to say when you are kissing someone because the next thing I knew was he started yelling at me storming out of the bathroom. Buttoning up my shirt confused I see Dean stick his head in looking at me curiously as I go to fix my hair.

“What the hell happened?” He asked me as he opened the door so that he could be fully in the bathroom with me.

“I don’t know.” I mutter looking at him in the mirror. “He was kissing me and the next thing I knew, I was telling him it's okay to mourn his dead wife.”

Putting his head against the door in an aggravated motion, even though he has a smile plastered on his face. “Oh, Cass.” he then looks out of the door and then back to me. “I think we should go before we cause any more problems.”

He goes to open the door but he pauses as his hand rests on the doorknob, then his eyes find mine in the most intense way. Shifting on my feet I feel small yet again as his eyes look into my very soul, if I had one that is. He then rips his eyes away from me, breaking his spell while moves out of the bathroom leaving me behind. Again I had that panic, that thought that I should just leave him here and find solitude until morning. But my feet have a mind of their own and they begin to follow him out of the bar back to his Impala.

The drive was silent save for the tires on the pavement and the soft music coming from his ancient radio. For the first time in a long time I have never been so out of my element, not knowing what could happen next which puts on me on edge. I sneak a look at Dean only to see his eyes on the road with a content expression I think I have never seen from him. Looking back to the road I finally understand humans who have anxiety, not knowing and being on edge can be a little stressful.

Before I knew it we made it to a liquor store with an old neon sign saying ‘OPEN’ in red lettering. Dean goes to get out telling me to wait in the car for a second as he steps away leaving me alone in the makeshift home. At that point all I could think about was what could Dean Winchester have in mind, what is the point to all of this. Leaning back into the old leather seat I close my eyes trying to calm my body’s beating heart, though I will admit that music that he has in is helping somewhat.

Opening the door of the Impala Dean laughs falling into his car. “So angels do sleep.”

“No Dean, just closing my eyes.” I sigh as ‘Stairway to Heaven’ comes on instantly melting me further in the leather.

“Good because we are going to get drunk regardless.” Then the Impala turns on and we are on our way to some unknown destination.

When I knew Dean in Heaven he was so free and caring, a complete opposite from the one that is sitting besides me with the whole world on his shoulders. But when we stopped in front of a beach to a large lake he finally gave me that award winning smile that I grew to love in Heaven.

“We are going swimming.” He laughs as he begins to unbutton his shirt and unbuckling his belt before he steps out of the car into the moonlight.

“But I have nothing to swim in Dean.” I state as I watch him untie his boots with a smile.

“Neither do I Cass, just go in your underwear.” He laughs as he takes his pants off leaving him in his boxers. “Come on, we don’t have all night.”

Quickly I start to unbutton my white blouse as I push off my shoes in the car watching him run quickly into the dark water. Stepping out of my skirt I walk on the soft sand feeling the cool air and the moonlight on my skin when I feel a cold splash of water from a laughing Dean. Smiling back I splash him back prompting him to tackle me into the frigid water. Who knew that humans could be simple as to use water to play in like children. He leaves the water as I go to float on my back, watching the stars in the sky and the moon gently moving across the sky.

“Cass.” His voice sweeps over me as I see him holding two bottles of bourbon and a blanket.

Swimming back to shore I finally see Dean Winchester for who he truly is, he is not that poor broken soul that I found in Hell but he isn't that carefree soul I grew to know in Heaven. Wrapping the blanket around me, even though I didn’t need the warmth I sat down next to him at the shore, watching the waves roll onto land. This is the Dean that I wish everyone knew, the one who is so caring not for those in his life, but for the entire world. This man has so much love even when nothing was handed to him easily.

The next thing I knew was that his lips were on mine and I somehow got on top of him with my hands in his hair. If I am being honest with you I don’t remember who kissed who first, or how we ended up in the back seat of his car with nothing separating us. That is the first time I felt so human as his hands wandered from my thigh to rest at my hip, or when I moved on top of him making him moan into the air around us. I finally understood the appeal to humanity that some angels have, the way humans feel and understand is complex to our own.

When all was said and done I watched him sleep as I lay on top of him listening to his heartbeat steadily. If I had the ability to freeze time, I would for the sole purpose of the small slice of peace that we both had gained that night. But like most things, they all must come to an end and you must face the real world.

Whenever I am alone, or is in need of peace from the chaotic world of the Winchester’s I find myself being drawn to that spot on the lake. Part of me thinks it reminds me of the soft Dean, the one who’s kisses put sparks beneath my skin and need in my bones. But deep down I know it's just the need for peace, a small escape from the real world.

  
  



	5. O' Brother

Chapter Five: O’ Brother 

When I was younger it was more of a carefree world, something one could enjoy without getting reprimanded. It was the feeling of the sun on your shoulders and laughter in the air with a light summer wind. Back then there was so much to learn from and to learn who you are meant to be, granted that was very limited with my species. But my brother Gabriel taught me everything he knew, even before my brother’s fall.

I remember always asking about humanity, and why God must have humans for the world to tick by. With a gentle smile he showed me a fish coming out of water, just learning to breathe the oxygen in the air. That fish had all the colors one can see, and maybe even more if you watched it long enough. I can still remember that heavy hand on my shoulder as he spoke in a low voice so that he wouldn't scare the creature.

“They are to become something great, young Cassiel, they are here to show us how to feel without being told.” He then smiles even more looking out into the horizon. “I think father wanted to create humanity so that us Angels can come down to Earth rather than be in the stars.”

Most of my life I held onto those words as if they were a life line, they were something I can hold onto when I thought I had lost myself. When my brother fell from grace to the depths of hell, I was lost. I was even more distraught when Gabriel left me behind on his own accord, or at least that is what they had told me some eons ago.

Sometimes I like to think Gabriel is the one that forces me to keep going, to cross the bridge and make it to victory. I will admit while I have been on my search for God, I have been in search for him too.

About a month after the lake I still continued my search for God, in hopes of stopping the showdown between Michael and Lucifer. Which of course came up empty, though it wasn't a surprise to me at the time because I knew finding God wouldn’t be easy. Raphael even stated when Dean and I trapped him that our father is dead, which is a lie of course. So like anyone that I have gotten close to here on Earth I went to Bobby’s for help.

Bobby is a completely different breed compared to Dean and even Sam, by which he is rough around the edges and he isn't afraid to show it. Which of course is like a breath of fresh air in this dark and doomed time in my life, which I will come to find isn’t as dark as I thought. It took two days for Bobby to call every Hunter in America, and even some in Canada with no luck. Meanwhile I was busy looking over all his books, to possibly find anything that could help in my search for God.

That is until Bobby made an off hand comment that he hasn't heard from Sam and Dean in a couple days. Which of course had gotten me slightly panicked that somehow the Angels had found them and were currently trying to get a simple yes out of their lips. So I being their self appointed guardian I went in search of them, only to find their car outside an abandoned factory. Taking out my blade I walk into the building only to find myself in a darkened out room with cheering coming from behind a wall. Walking through the doors I see both Sam and Dean tied down to the floor.

“Cass?” Dean smiles in releaf as I walk closer to the brothers.

“Is this another trick?” Sam asks as I lock eyes with Dean.

Looking away from him I looked over to Sam in hopes he didn’t notice the intensity of the single glance. “It's me, what are you two doing here?”

There was a laugh from Dean as he replied to my question. “Us? What are you doing here?”

Narrowing my eyes I look at both of them. “Looking for the two of you.” I move my blade in the ready position. “You two have been missing for a couple days.”

“Then get us the hell out of here!” Sam yells at me just as I was about to transport them out I was snatched away to a void of some sort.

Looking around in hopes I can see where I was transported, to see if there is any way to get back to the boys when I hear rustling behind me. Turning around I see at least fifteen demons walking towards me with looks of murder and torture. All I truly wanted for today was to save the boys and get back on my task of finding God, but nothing goes to plan for myself. Moving so I can get a better look at them I try to calculate my odds of winning, which are pretty high if I can get the one on the end first.

Pulling up my knife I pull my grace into my mind, to strengthen my every move as they begin to charge. Blocking one demon I killed another, but one of them had the upper hand and punched me in the face making me stubble backwards. Whoever is doing this is stronger than any being I have come in contact over the past years, so who could it be?

“It's a shame poor lover boy is going to die.” The one female demon says as she begins to circle me. “Those gorgeous green eyes, I could just eat them.” She smiles watching my every reaction, most likely trying to find my weak spot. “Maybe you can watch.” She laughs as I charge after her with all the intent of killing her.

But instead I am on wet grass with the sun beating down on my bare arms making it feel like I am burning alive. Which is the complete opposite of the void I was just in with all of those demons and their taunting remarks. Rolling onto my back I look up to the cloudless sky only to see a memory instead.

“Cassiel, stop the moping about.” Gabriels face comes into view with a frown. “I miss Lucifer too, but he ruined humanity and now they will forever have to pay forward because of the serpent.”

Standing up I move away from the archangel as I survey my surroundings when I notice I am not in the clothing I arrived in. Instead I am dressed in armor that I had used long before I had used this vessel, I am also wearing the cloth dress I had given up with when I first met Dean.

“What is this?” I ask the memory of Gabriel as he tilts his head and laughs, which sounds like a thousand song birds singing in harmony.

“Did you hit your head when you jumped Cassiel?” He asks when he finished laughing, making me narrow my eyes. “Because you are way over your head if you think you can find me or our father.” He says taking a step forward, dragging his brown wings behind him.

“Who are you?” I ask him, making him sigh dramatically.

“Wrong question!” He yells and then the next thing I know is that I am then falling into yet another void, but this time there is a small light.

What was Sam and Dean tracking that this monster could have this much power, it’s almost heavenly power if I think about it. The only one I could think of that had this much power and is on Earth to my best knowledge would be Gabriel. But he would never intervene like this, especially playing with the chosen vessels of Micheal and Lucifer. I will admit Gabriel is many things and definitely did not follow Heavens laws exactly, but he would never interfere with something as big as this.

Nearing the light I brace myself as I thud onto the ground once more, but this time it is asphalt and I am in my vessel's body. Kneeling on the ground I try to catch my breath as my grace tries to heal my wounds that I had acquired from the Demons. Looking down at my hands I find none of my wounds are healing, or at least not to the degree that it should be. Bringing my left hand up I gently touch what I assume to be a broken nose from when the Demon punched me in the face. Standing up I look around my surroundings, trying to get my bearings as I try to think of a way to save the boys. But all I find myself to be on a stage of some sort and a door that goes into the wooden room, or that’s what it looks like. Shifting around to fix my skirt I start walking over to the door as quickly as I can, hoping that maybe they will be behind it.

Walking through I am met with a bright light and applause but Dean speaks instantly calming me down. “You okay?” He asks as I walk more into the room, which looks like one of many hotel rooms they have stayed in over the years.

Feeling a strong force shaking me to my bones I murmur. “I don’t think I have much time.”

Before Dean could get in another word Sam speaks up as the invisible crowd takes in a deep audible breath. “What happened?”

“Got out.” I manage to say as another wave goes through me, almost making me fall down to the ground.

Dean takes a few steps towards me, almost as if he knows something is wrong. “From where?” His voice asks as the voices grow louder than ever in my head making it almost impossible to hear him.

“Listen to me.” I begin taking a deep breath before I look at the boys, but mainly Dean. “Something about this isn’t right, this thing is much more powerful than it should be.”

Narrowing his eyes while looking at me confused, Dean asks me almost as if he is asking himself. “What thing- the trickster?”

Laughing under my breath I mutter. “If it is a Trickster.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asks just as someone walks through the door while throwing me against the nearest wall.

Standing up with something over my mouth I look at the supposed trickster only to be met with the one thing I thought would never do this. He smiles as he moves closer to the boys and speaks to the crowd.

“Hello!” He says in a cheerful voice and then quiets them down with his hands. “Thank you, thank you ladies.” His eyes then find mine as I glare at him, disgusted with how far he truly came, how much of a coward he truly is. “Hi Cassiel.” He then waves his hand and I am transported back into the dark room full of Demons.

Trying to touch Heavens power I watch the remaining tortured souls run after me only to find I am completely cut off. Realising this I start running away knowing I have no chance at winning this battle, but one was already behind me. Grabbing me by the arms he pulls me forward to the leader of the pack, the one who knows my weakness. 

“You see beautiful,” She begins taking out an angel blade from her jacket. “I think I am going to make your life Hell first. Then and only then am I going to make you watch me as I turn pretty boy into a warm soup.”

“I will kill you first.” I spit through my teeth as her fist connects with my jaw resulting in me spitting up blood.

“I would like to see you try.” She laughs as she slides the blade across my cheek, resulting in me screaming in pain. “Oh Buster don’t you just love that sound, its music to my ears.” She laughs as she moves the blade just above the skin, taunting me.

“Go to Hell.” I spit through my teeth as she grabs my face with her one hand.

“Oh darlin, been there done that.” She then kisses me on the mouth making me feel nauseated. “Fresh and clean, I see why Deano would want to have a sexy time with you.”

Before she could say another word I am yet again teleported, but this time I am in the old paper factory next to Sam and Dean with Gabriel in front of us. Dragging my hand down my cheek I heal and clean up the wound that I had acquired from that make believe Demon. Looking over to Dean I can practically sigh in relief that I am back, and in one piece no thanks to my brother.

“Cass, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I look at him and then my brother who is trapped behind a wall of holy fire. “Hello Gabriel.”

“Hey, bro.” He smiles with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “How’s the search for Daddy? Let me guess, awful.”

Glaring at him I tune out the boys as they begin to walk out of the factory, leaving the archangel behind. I stand there to wait for them to leave before I take a step forward unsure on were we both stand since my torture. Putting out the fire I find his eyes as he takes a deep breath of fresh air.

“Why?” I ask him through gritted teeth, as I take another step closer to him.

“Cassiel, I had to teach you to give up your attachments because you will lose him.” His voice then softens looking down to his shoes. “Kid, I am just watching out for you.”

“Watching out for me!” I scream making a couple birds fly out of the building. “You are the one that left Gabriel.” I hiss jabbing my finger into his chest as hard as I can muster. “When you left I had no one, Michael and Raphael always hated me and you know that. So when you left they threw me down to the lower ranks, I fought in wars Gabriel, I watched our brothers and sisters die and where were you?” I ask him as he looks away in shame. “Oh right, running away on Earth.”

“Cassiel-“ He begins as I cut him by walking away from him to the door both Sam and Dean left.

“Good bye, Gabriel.”

Walking out of the factory I take a deep breath feeling the sun touch my skin for the first time in who knows how long. Part of me feels as if a weight has been taken off my shoulders, having finally gotten that off of my chest. But he is right by one thing, Dean is an attachment I can not afford to have because one day he is going to end up dead or it will be me. Just as that thought entered my mind it vanished with a wave of a hand and smile, as he summoned me to the Impala.

Then a month later I found out from Dean that he was dead. Died distracting Lucifer from the Winchesters so that they can escape. Since that day I will always feel regret and sadness for not talking to him- understanding why he left in the first place.

  
  



	6. Love In The Wrong Places

Chapter Six: Love In The Wrong Places

_ Cassiel, I know you are busy trying to find the big man. But you should at least check in every once in a while we are worried about you. I mean that’s what friends do, keep tabs and up to date with each other. Anyway Sammy and I are on our way to case, guess what.. yes people are literally eating each other- which definitely sounds like our thing. _

Sitting on the bench I watch the water overlap onto the frozen beach trying to find any resemblance of peace that may be left here on earth. Personally I don’t think I have ever felt true peace since I was just born, into the bright light of my brothers who helped me soar. But the same brothers that I loved with every fiber of my being tossed me aside with so little of a single thought. Part of me wanted to go to Heaven, to try to atone for my sins against Heaven and supposedly Humanity. But I couldn’t force myself to move from this spot, even when the snow began to fall around me, making the world look washed out.

I’ll admit I am no angel as the humans put it, I have done things that I will forever regret and even have to live with. Eventually I will atone for those sins, but that will take another eight years when I finally reach the Empty. But back then I just simply enjoyed the scenery before me because I had no idea that this beautiful world would survive the fallout between Michael and Lucifer. Which of course should be on the top of my list for things I need to work out and save, but of course Dean had to be at the very top.

Deep down every part of me is screaming to just leave him behind, to ignore his calls and become a mighty Angel once more. That part of me still hoped that I could return to Heaven and bring peace and free will to every living being. Angels of course being included. But the part that has fallen for the faith of one man, the part that became so human over the two years has grown fond of him. Though in retrospect the best word to describe it would be infatuated or better yet in love with that Hunter who fought for the whole world. I have even learned to care for the boy with the Demon Blood, or better known as Sam, I learned to care for him as if he were my own brother. 

But even with every part of my being screaming at me to stop and actually see what I am doing, when Dean calls I answer. 

“Yes, Dean.” I sigh watching my breath freeze in the air around me.

“Cass, it's Dean.”

“I can read Dean, did you need help with the case? If you do, where are you?” I sigh standing up from the snow covered wooden bench.

“Yeah we do, room 31-c, basement level...St. James medical center.” He says as I unfurl my wings and reach him there in a nanosecond.

“I'm there now.” I whisper as I land right in front him, staring into those beautiful green eyes.

That's when I feel my heart start to race making my face feel like it is on fire. But no matter how much I should move away from him, I just can’t. It is almost as if he has me under a spell, making me want to tackle him to the floor this moment and make those sounds I so desperately loved. I feel my eyes widen at that thought as he clears his throat, he too is not moving away.

“Yeah, I get that.” His voice comes out huskier than normal, making me feel a hot coil slowly form low in my stomach.

“I'm gonna hang up now.” I manage to choke out as I break eye contact to acknowledge Sam, who is sitting on the other side of the metal table with a knowing smile.

“Right.” Dean whispers to my back as I make my way towards Sam.

Picking up the one heart up I inspect it and finally see why they called me here, it's sadly angelic. To think that maybe I can escape one day from Heaven. “You're right, Sam. These are angelic marks. I imagine you'll find similar marks on the other couples' hearts as well--” I sigh placing the heart back into the plastic container. 

“So, what are they? I mean, what do they mean?” Sam asks eagerly while I make my way over to the sink to wash my hands. 

Personally I never really had much experience with the Cherub’s for they mainly stay here on earth making sure certain people become mated. The few I did meet were so boisterous and unkindly to the angels I am used to. But the mark on the heart I do recognize, only because I had to kill a brother who bore the mark with a human. One of many on my list of deaths.

“It's a mark of union. This man and woman were intended to mate.” I answer him as I grab some paper towels to dry my hands.

“Okay, but who put them there?” Dean asks as I turn back around to look at them.

“Well, your people call them "Cupid. "” I shrug making my way back over to them.

“A what?” Sam laughs looking at me as if I had five heads, when in reality I had about ten.

Sitting down on one of the metal chairs, I cross my legs using my hands as I begin speaking. “What human myth has mistaken for "Cupid" is actually a lower order of angels. Technically it's a cherub, third-class.” I explain to them, as if they would ever understand the ranking in Heaven. Hell sometimes even I don’t understand Heaven.

“Cherub?” Dean mainly says to himself, looking down to his feet with his brow furrowed. 

Sucking in a breath rather harshly I stare at him and that little line right between his eyebrows and how badly I want to smooth it with my fingers. Swallowing I try to think through all of my rushing thoughts of Dean as my mind tries to form a proper answer.

“Yeah, they're all over the world. There are dozens of them.” I pass off with a sigh, resting my hands on my one knee that I noticed Dean is looking at, or at least trying not to look at.

“You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?” I hear Dean snort making my eyes roll at his stupid joke.

“Okay, anyway. So, what you're saying--” Sam speaks over Dean narrowing his eyes at him almost as if to ask ‘ _ Can you be professional for once in your life. _ ’

“What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him--before he kills again.” I say standing up from the cold metal chair.

“Naturally.” Samuel sighs as he goes to clean up the human remains.

That night goes on how a normal Wichester evening would go I presume. Shuffling off to the Impala, going to a dinner so the brothers could eat, which I found to be a waste of time when human life was in danger. We then of course found the cupid in all of his naked glory, only to find he wasn't committing the murders. Which landed us back to phase one in a dirty motel room with the boys pouring over what lore they had. 

I watched the boys begin arguing over what it could be, as I found myself getting lost in thought with my own theories. I closed my eyes and I concentrated on Angel Radio, with hope that maybe they will be talking about anything that may be going on. But it seemed that since my half assed fall they blocked me out. Opening my eyes I found just Dean sitting at the old wooden table near the window and Sam gone in the wind.

“Where’s Sam?” I asked as I stood up to walk over to his hunched form.

“Said he needed to get air.” Dean shrugs looking at the laptop very intently, almost not daring to look at me when everything in me wanted him to. 

There was a pause in the air before I said anything else. It almost felt like the Universe held its breath for what was to come next. 

“Oh?” I manage to say as I see Dean stood up and crashed his lips into mine.

I don’t even bother talking as I felt him push me against the wall, which should have hurt but it only made me want more. Not breaking the kiss I felt my hands travel down his chest only to rest at his belt buckle. As I undid his belt I felt his hands wander up my thigh pushing my black skirt up around my hip as his pants fell to his knees. Then in one swift motion we were one in the most delicious way, making us both moan out into the air around us.

Not daring to open my eyes I kissed him as he rams into me against the wall, making me feel so hot and only wanting more of him. Breaking the kiss I allowed my lips to find his strong jaw, feeling the stubble already growing in under my lips. Which in turn made him groan into my ear making a shiver run down my spine and my hand claw into his hair. His movements then started to become sporadic, making me wrap my legs around my waist. Yelling out into the empty room as my body soared ever higher than my wings could ever take me he started moving faster than I thought could be possible. Then he finished, leaving us both breathing hard and blissed beyond our minds.

I remember swallowing back as he pulled away from me, slowly and carefully as if he just didn't ram me into the wall not twenty minutes ago. That feeling of his eyes on me as I pushed my skirt back down and fixed my hair will forever warm me. But at that point all I could think of was that I was definitely going to have to atone for my sins one way or another. His hand then rested on my cheek, forcing me to look him into those beautiful green eyes that I had fallen for since the first day I met him.

We then jumped apart as soon as Sam came barging in with news about what we are up against, being completely oblivious to what had just transpired between his brother and I. Since that day something changed between us, something that may have been our downfall or maybe even our saving grace.

  
  



End file.
